| My head is a little bit cluttered right now. Yesterday I started sorting out my thoughts into neat little blog posts, and I'd like to continue that. The question is how far I can get when five hours of the day or so will be taken up by another Ruddigore rehearsal.
|
| Time allocation: |
The blog |
5:41 |
| Ruddigore |
5:22 |
| Mundane activities |
2:35 |
| Reading a story and then bugging its writer a bit |
0:54 |
| Wii Fit |
0:30 |
| Writing to Erika |
0:13 |
| Notes: |
I did the programming necessary for Level 3, and then wrote five paragraphs of a new blog post. Erika finally got back to me, and I was able to let her know what I've been up to. Speaking of which, the Ruddigore rehearsal was fun. Lots of socializing, and I'm finally able to just have fun with the show. In writing the blog post, following one thought I was using involved going to another site and reading a story. Then I wrote to its writer with a question, and threw in a fanboyish compliment. The story will be in the post, most likely. |
| Hm. It's hard to put my thoughts in order, since it's late and I'm tired, but maybe that's the point. Less of a filter. I'm not sure I'm any less confused than when I woke up. I was hoping that I'd finish two semi-related blog posts in one day, and go to bed with a sorted head, but then there was a phone call that threw off my plans for one, and the other one is not coming easily. Don't get me wrong, it's really good stuff, but that's because I'm digging really deep for it. It's not entirely pleasant, but it'll be good when it's on the blog instead of clogging my head. I wasn't able to get it out today, and it's still clogging my head. I want nothing more than to keep writing right now, but it's 3:44 and I need to go to an early rehearsal tomorrow. So, to be continued, I guess. |
| Performance review: |
Interesting, how Ruddigore is actually the relaxing part of the day. These adventures into socializing are very entertaining, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the blogging yields. |
| Score: |
10/10 |
| The schedule of the day is already fixed: I have a rehearsal where I will be working on a difficult song/dance, then I'm going to come home and go to games night next door. Whatever spare time I'll have (and it's not much) I'll spend on Gamer Mom. It'll take a lot out of me to be running from place to place like that, so it's a good thing I've got energy to spare this morning.
|
| Time allocation: |
Games night |
5:25 |
| Ruddigore |
4:50 |
| Mundane activities |
1:23 |
| Gamer Mom |
1:16 |
| Watching TV |
0:57 |
| The Ruddigore rehearsal turned out to be quite fun. Likewise games night and the continuing writing of Gamer Mom -which went in some really fun directions! But I feel like I could have done more. Other than games night, each activity was fairly insubstantial, and they didn't fit together in any meaningful way. I guess I'm just not getting any clear feeling of what this day was for. A bunch of little tasks, sure, but none of it really stood out and took advantage of all the energy I thought I was going to put into it. Tomorrow needs to be more interesting. |
| Notes: |
I was actually exhausted all day, a result of not sleeping well. |
| Performance review: |
All this talk about having too much energy for the day is unconvincing. With energy to spare you don't watch TV (an extremely passive activity), you write and you explore and you play. It would not have been out of character to use the bus time for solving problems in Gamer Mom, which didn't happen. But TV has no place in the story that's being told. It's also not a very interesting story in the first place. |
| Score: |
6/10 |
| I could use some company.
|
| Time allocation: |
Spectrumville forum |
4:33 |
| Ruddigore |
3:41 |
| Mundane activities |
3:10 |
| Watching TV |
1:31 |
| Choice of the Vampire (choiceofgames.com) |
0:41 |
| IM chat with Deirdra |
0:33 |
| Gamer Mom |
0:27 |
| Notes: |
I joined a forum for Asperger people. Please note that while this is a novel activity today, on any future days use of this forum will be considered a mundane activity. I solved a creative problem I'd been stuck on with Gamer Mom on the bus ride home from the rehearsal. |
| The forum was a huge time-sink. The people seem nice enough, but I was hoping for making at least one friend on my first day and that didn't happen. At the rehearsal not much was expected of me so I had plenty of opportunity for socializing, but I didn't really have a decent conversation with anyone. On the bus there was someone I knew, who was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. Deirdra was busy and didn't have much to say. Overall, I'm as lonely as ever. Also, Choice of the Vampire sucks. |
| Performance review: |
I don't know what I was expecting. I can't rely on strangers, even friendly ones, to make my day a success. No one I interacted with has any reason to give me the time of day. Was I expecting to just write a lot of forum posts and suddenly have someone say "Will you be my friend?". I guess I was, wasn't I? Stupid. And now I'm stuck in this forum. Great. There was a reason web browsing was counted as a mundane activity. I don't want to be wasting time in a forum for entire days like I used to! This day is different, and it's mostly coherent. But it's also a triumph of passivity over activeness, in the name of a silly story. So the question is, is this behavior justified by the character I'm supposed to be playing? Well, let's see. I'm supposed to be following reason, and that's entirely absent here. I'm supposed to be a creator, and there's just a half hour of that here. I'm not supposed to be passive. I'm supposed to go to great lengths for a silly idea; I guess that's sort of here, though this is less my preferred brand of silly and more just pathetic. Really the only part of the "Mory 3.0" intro that is demonstrated here is the travelling between worlds bit. But that was presented as something dangerous that the blog would hold me back from. So this is the polar opposite of who I'm supposed to be, and the score that follows is the blog teaching me a much-needed lesson: in the future: stick to the character. |
| Score: |
1/10 |
| Finally: a day to myself! Now I can get things done.
|
| Time allocation: |
The blog |
5:44 |
| Reading comics |
2:26 |
| Watching TV |
1:43 |
| Mundane activities |
1:23 |
| Wii Fit |
0:21 |
| The day started so well, but then it all fell apart. Immediately after finishing the blog post I felt like I had a fever. I've had no energy at all since then. Then a tooth cavity got serious (A piece of the tooth fell off.), requiring me to go to the dentist at some point soon. And then my headphones suddenly stopped working. This was not the day I had in mind. It's really early, but I'm going to sleep now. |
| Notes: |
I went to sleep at 11:30 PM, three hours earlier than usual. |
| Performance review: |
This is... this is unfortunate. The blog post did get done, and that's something. But man, that's an unlucky day. I think going to sleep early was a good move, even though it leaves the time allocation table as generic as it can possibly be, because if I'd gone for a few more hours this would have been an even bigger mess than it is. |
| Score: |
7/10 |
| I'm still feeling weak, but there's stuff to do and I'm going to do it. Gamer Mom, Ruddigore practice (I need to work more on the character), data entry. Wow it's early now. 7:50? Why am I up at 7:50?
|
| Time allocation: |
Comics |
5:32 |
| Mundane activities |
4:06 |
| TV |
4:01 |
| Data entry |
1:47 |
| Bit.Trip Fate |
1:11 |
| ...I know. Leave me alone. |
| Notes: |
There was comics organizing/editing in addition to catching up on all the regular reading. I finished Rubicon. Bit.Trip Fate seems to suck; I'll see if it gets any better. (I'm glad I wasn't able to pay for it!) |
| Performance review: |
Look, if you say you're going to do something at the beginning of the day, you need to go through with it. That's how this works. There's not a minute of Gamer Mom in all of this, nor Ruddigore. The character suggested was Mory 2.0, what I'm seeing here is Mory 1.0. This is exactly what the point of Part 3 is! You can't just make rules without taking into account how you'll survive them, because then they'll all be ignored. And if you're being reasonable toward yourself, you've got to follow everything you say unquestioningly. This is a deeply dysfunctional relationship I'm seeing here, between the two personalities. This is unacceptable. Get your act together. |
| Score: |
2/10 |
| Okay, let's try something simpler. Wii Fit, Gamer Mom, Ruddigore, and a DS game for the bus -say, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2. Plenty to have fun with, never too much passivity, and things get done. So I shouldn't need any more than those four activities today.
|
| Time allocation: |
Ruddigore |
5:16 |
| Mundane activities |
4:12 |
| Comics |
2:08 |
| Gamer Mom |
1:35 |
| Composing |
0:52 |
| Wii Fit |
0:36 |
| Notes: |
I started writing the tune for a song called "Ode To Your Face". If I ever audition for another musical after this one, it's what I'll audition with. |
| Hmph. It seemed like it would be fun. I like FFTA2; why wouldn't I want to play it again? And where did all this wasted time and passivity and music come from? This isn't the day I intended to have. |
| Performance review: |
Wow. This would not have been a difficult day to succeed at. The bar was set really low. And yet... this. What the hell? |
| Score: |
3/10 |
| It's 1:50 PM and I've just woken up. I was up until 5:30 or so, unable to sleep. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown about the play, you see. I think I have been for the past few weeks, and it's not inconceivable that that's the cause of my performance failures. It's the director- he keeps shooting down all my ideas, even ones he's previously agreed with. The question is, how do I keep going and keep being myself during such stress? An elaborate performance in life is not the answer right now. It'll be a useful tool in a few months, but at present I simply don't have the energy for it. But I am resolute: this will be a good day. What does that look like? Gamer Mom, of course. That's a given. Let's also throw in some Zelda (with note-taking), so that I have something that I'm perfectly in control of. Music will not be tolerated, because if I start playing piano on a day like today that's four hours of mundane activity in the end.There's another Ruddigore rehearsal. While I'm on the bus I should take notes about what performance I'd like to give, so that I can privately ignore the director and work toward that. A blog post? It wouldn't hurt. Actually, it could be downright therapeutic to continue the Ruddigore post. Yes. Definitely the blog, for at least a little bit. That seems like a good foundation for a good day. I'll also allow one hour of TV or comics, and not one minute more. If it lasts longer than that, I'll stop in the middle of an issue or an episode. Okay. I know what I'm doing. Let's get started!
|
| Time allocation: |
Ruddigore |
5:10 |
| Mundane activities |
2:23 |
| Writing to Erika |
1:59 |
| The blog |
1:24 |
| The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time |
0:59 |
| TV / Comics |
0:56 |
| Gamer Mom |
0:25 |
| I could have done better. |
| Performance review: |
This is fine. |
| Score: |
9/10 |
| Gamer Mom hasn't been moving as quickly as I'd like, so I'll do two hours on that. Beyond that, I'm up for anything today. I could do some more data entry, and a little more of Little King's Story. That sounds like a fun and simple Tuesday.
|
| Time allocation: |
Games night |
5:01 |
| Mundane activities |
3:43 |
| Data entry |
1:09 |
| TV |
1:07 |
| Gamer Mom |
1:01 |
| Composing ("Ode To Your Face") |
0:56 |
| A comic |
0:15 |
| I misjudged the day. It wasn't a do-anything kind of day, it was a data entry day. I could have done two or three hours more of data entry, that's what I was really in the mood for but I didn't catch it at the beginning of the day and then I felt stuck with what I'd decided so I ended up doing composing, because that was easier than fighting about it. I know, I'm making excuses. I know I'm not supposed to do that. Sorry, okay? |
| Performance review: |
A few things. First off, know what you've got the energy to do and plan for that. Secondly, if the plan is wrong you can do something else instead. The performance is meant to add focus, not take focus away. If you were capable of focusing on data entry for hours, then you should have done that because that would have been a fine, distinctive day. This day is not so distinctive, not particularly successful, and kind of sad. And the last thing I have to say is that under no circumstances should you ever make excuses for yourself at the end of the day. You want to say something that shows that you had it all under control, or that if you didn't you at least know exactly what you did wrong and how you're going to avoid that in the future. |
| Score: |
5/10 |
| I left off Gamer Mom yesterday with a section only partially completed. I want to get back to that now, and finish that part off. It might be a little bit complicated, because there's a lot of repetition between these nodes. I've decided to write them out in full first, and then figure out the logic and simplify the script.
|
| Time allocation: |
Ruddigore |
4:53 |
| Mundane activities |
2:44 |
| Gamer Mom |
1:35 |
| The blog |
1:06 |
| Comics |
1:02 |
| TV |
0:44 |
| Reading a book |
0:28 |
| Data entry |
0:22 |
| Wii Fit |
0:19 |
| I finished the bit I'd been working on in Gamer Mom. And then I was still thinking about adventure games so I got started on the fourth post of I Am Not Myself Today. I'm exhausted, not so much from the day as from just being exhausted all the time lately. Some other people in Ruddigore tell me that they find themselves with no energy lately as well, so I figure it must be some virus going around through the cast. It had better clear up before the play opens. |
| Performance review: |
Quite competent. Despite a lack of physical energy, this is a fine performance. And that's good. For whatever reason this month is devoid of energy, and it's not for lack of trying. Until the problem clears up, I don't think it's a good idea to get too ambitious. The example of this day should be followed, not bringing up the problem until the end and giving a performance that does not betray any weakness. |
| Score: |
9/10 |
| I have a serious appointment with the dentist at 12. I wonder if any of the new comics have been scanned yet.
|
| Time allocation: |
Comics |
8:24 |
| Mundane activities |
2:29 |
| Watching the recording of a play on YouTube |
2:04 |
| Root canal |
2:02 |
| TV |
0:52 |
| Notes: |
The focus of the day was in organizing my comics collection. I also watched a recording of a performance of the musical 13 which a few people I know were in. It was quite good. |
| I feel satisfied with what I've accomplished today. |
| Performance review: |
This is fine, as a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of day. It's not too passive (since the active organizing outweighed everything else), it's strange and interesting. I think a token amount of work on Gamer Mom should still be here, but otherwise I approve. Don't try this again within the next few weeks, though. |
| Score: |
8/10 |
| I've been rushing around so much lately, I haven't had time to do a lot of the things I've wanted. Let's fix that.
|
| Time allocation: |
The blog |
5:21 |
| Mundane activities |
2:27 |
| Comics |
2:12 |
| TV |
1:58 |
| Composing |
1:54 |
| No, that's not... no. I had so much to do, why is the day over already? I haven't done any of what I wanted! |
| Notes: |
I tried writing a new "I Am Not Myself Today" post, but after erasing and rewriting around twenty full paragraphs all together I concluded that I'm not capable of writing this particular post with my current lack of expertise. So I'm throwing the whole post out. I read and organized comics, I watched a lot of TV. There's a derivative but pretty musical theme I came up with over Shabbat, and by the time I'd gotten to the piano I'd forgotten it. It took a long time to dig it out of my memory. |
| Performance review: |
You can't start the day expecting to have all the time in the world. Even if there are no plans, things happen. The music, that couldn't have been anticipated. Same with having to throw out the blog post. But if comics and TV had been left as something to do at the end of the day rather than something to start with, this day could have had some merit despite those setbacks. If you don't start with what you claim you want, it shows that it's not true. If you want to convince anyone, you need to act like you believe what you're saying. |
| Score: |
4/10 |
| Level 3 hasn't been going well. So I'm going to put more faith in the blog. I don't understand how this is supposed to go, but I do understand what'll make the blog more appealing to read and that's close enough.
|
| Time allocation: |
Mundane activities |
5:16 |
| Ruddigore |
5:05 |
| The blog |
2:19 |
| Little King's Story |
1:46 |
| Gamer Mom |
0:56 |
| Wii Fit |
0:34 |
| That damned musical theme has been stuck in my head all day. I spent hours just humming and singing and playing this theme, and trying to come up with lyrics for it, and there is absolutely nothing I could possibly do with a theme this derivative. It sounds like everything I've ever heard in my life, all mushed together. Why on Earth did I try to remember it? If I'd forgotten it, my life would be so much simpler right now. Eventually I pushed it out of my head by putting Arvo Pärt's Alina on a loop, but whenever I took off the headphones because I thought I'd successfully purged the theme, it would be back within thirty seconds and I'd need to hide under the headphones again. I did get some stuff done while listening to the CD. I started an interactive blog post -wait, let me explain that. I know I'm in the middle of a bunch of other posts. But this is an important one. This one could potentially focus my life. I need that. |
| Performance review: |
I can certainly see what I was going for. Turning to the blog to sort out confusion is absolutely the right impulse. The music is unfortunate, but at a certain point I just need to stop making excuses and deal with my problems. Listening to repetitive simplicity was inspired - I'll keep this disc in mind in the future. The day was not a success, but I think I'm getting closer. |
| Score: |
5/10 |
| I desparately need to finish that blog post. I also need to get a haircut, and clean my room. But first: TV.
|
| Time allocation: |
Games night |
4:43 |
| Mundane activities |
2:15 |
| The blog |
2:07 |
| TV |
1:55 |
| Bit.Trip Fate |
1:15 |
| Getting a haircut |
1:15 |
| Gamer Mom |
0:48 |
| Cleaning my room |
0:24 |
| Wii Fit |
0:18 |
| That was pretty awesome. No, I didn't finish the blog post. But in writing it, everything's just falling into place. It's all so simple! |
| Notes: |
The director of Ruddigore requested that I get a haircut, and so I did. I went from having really long hair, a beard that went out at the sides (rather than down) so much that it blended in with said hair, and a mustache, to having short hair and no facial hair at all. I look a heck of a lot less distinctive, but I needed to do it. Bit.Trip Fate is growing on me, though it's not at all a rhythm game. |
| Performance review: |
I see a lot of this day is made up of doing things that other people told me to do. But the blog post is on top, and that shows who's in control here. This is an excellent day. I said what I was going to do, then I did it without having any second thoughts. I am going to be as explicit as I possibly can be with the lesson here, because it'll make me more likely to remember it later: If there's a problem, any problem, turn to the blog. Write a post, and it'll sort itself out. |
| Score: |
10/10 |
| Time to get serious about Ruddigore.
|
| Time allocation: |
Ruddigore |
5:53 |
| Mundane activities |
3:11 |
| Comics |
2:07 |
| The new Christine Love game |
1:37 |
| TV |
1:23 |
| Reading a book |
0:43 |
| Blog maintenance |
0:29 |
| Wii Fit |
0:18 |
| Notes: |
I went across the street to the amphitheater and practiced one of my scenes in great detail. This was in addition to the rehearsal, which turned out to be shorter than usual. Christine Love made a new game and like her others it's deeply flawed but interesting and endearing. (I don't recommend it, but I don't regret playing it.) I actually played it before she made it public, because she had put it up to test it and I found the URL. The book is Otherland, which I've been reading on the bus rides. |
| This was not a good day. I don't feel like I'm ready for Ruddigore, which makes sense because I'm planning to do that for all of December so how could I be ready already? But even the little five-minute scene I was working on today, I don't feel like I'm doing it right yet. I am doing it better than I was this morning. Is that supposed to make me feel better? I think it's supposed to make me feel better. It's just, it's not enough. I feel like I didn't get enough out of the day. |
| Performance review: |
This is troubling. If December is devoted to Ruddigore, that means lots of low-scoring days like today. (Spoiler: I'm not happy with this.) I'm going to need to manage my expectations from each day better. I'm also going to need to find other activities which complement Ruddigore, giving me what I need and am not getting but not drawing too much attention away from the play. Let's try this again tomorrow, and see if we can get it right. |
| Score: |
6/10 |
| Okay, I'm ready for more. There are four things I need to do. First, I need to see how much of my ideas from yesterday can be salvaged after the director pushed me in the opposite direction yesterday. Secondly, I should work on the scenes that I'm going to be doing tonight. Third, I should practice my dances. And fourth, I'd like to improve my singing. They don't need to be done in that order, but I'd like to touch on all of these things. I also don't need to perfect anything- this is one step in a long road.
|
| Time allocation: |
Ruddigore |
6:50 |
| Mundane activities |
3:37 |
| TV |
2:55 |
| Listening to a podcast |
0:48 |
| Well, let's see. I wasn't up to redoing the stuff from yesterday. But the rest I did. When I went to the rehearsal, two buses passed without letting me on so I showed up late and didn't have time to do the part I'd worked on. But I did well at the rehearsal, I think. So that's fine. |
| Performance review: |
The rehearsal? Seriously? The rehearsal? This is what I'm concerned about?! Look at that time allocation table. That is a shameful list. The idea was to correct yesterday's mistake, not to dig myself deeper! So fine, I've figured out how to be happy just with Ruddigore. Congratulations. But where's the second activity? I didn't even plan for one! My god, was this ever a terrible waste of a day. |
| Score: |
4/10 |
| I'd like to finish up what I can this month, so as to start next month with a blank slate. The most pressing thing on the agenda is the script for Gamer Mom. Before I can finish it, I need to play World of Warcraft for a few minutes. It will not run on my computer, so I'll need to use my parents' computer. This already tells me quite a lot about the day: every minute where my mother is not on her computer is a minute where I can be getting this done. There's also "Ode to your face", a song I began to write and could easily finish in an hour or two. And most awkwardly, I need to get out of my commitment to the Spectrumville forums. I have not had a single meaningful conversation with anyone there, but it's been eating into my time. It was a mistake, and it's time to correct it. On an unrelated note, Deirdra Kiai's new game "Life Flashes By" is out. I have been waiting for this game for a very long time, so we shall see if there is enough time in the day to play it through.
|
| Time allocation: |
Games night |
5:12 |
| Mundane activities |
2:38 |
| Life Flashes By |
1:48 |
| Trying to install World of Warcraft |
1:48 |
| IM chat with Deirdra |
1:42 |
| Finishing up "Ode To Your Face" |
0:59 |
| TV |
0:45 |
| Bit.Trip Fate |
0:13 |
| Leaving the Spectrumville forum |
0:08 |
| Wii Fit |
0:06 |
| I discovered that I was mistaken about World of Warcraft: the demo won't run on my parents' computer, but the full game might be coaxed into running on mine. I started the process of downloading and installing the game, which looks like it will be more complicated than I'd figured. Since there's only so much I can do before downloading the many gigabytes of expected patches, I decided to shift the focus of the day over to Life Flashes By, which got under my skin a little with its relentless misery. I argued quite a bit with Deirdra about its message. I finished the song, though I may still want to write a piano accompaniment. All other activities were deemed unimportant and allocated time accordingly. I feel confident in saying that I have lived the day properly. |
| WIN |
| There are lots of TV shows and comics I haven't gotten around to yet, but I'll let them sit for a little while. There's so much else to do!
|
| Time allocation: |
Going to see the movie The Social Network in Jerusalem |
3:57 |
| Writing e-mails |
2:31 |
| Watching TV |
2:11 |
| Reading the book Otherland |
1:46 |
| Mundane activities |
1:31 |
| The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time |
1:21 |
| Reading comics |
0:28 |
| Exploring Jerusalem |
0:23 |
| Composing |
0:18 |
| The movie was very good. And it was fun to write letters. |
| Performance review: |
Not what I'd planned. But then, my plans weren't specific enough. There's some good stuff here, but more of the day should have been spent in Jerusalem and less should have been spent on the passive absorption of stories. The point of the day got lost somewhere along the line. |
| LOSE |